How To Keep Contact Alive Between You & Your Child

Keep Contact Alive: I realise I don't know my kids as well as I thought!

Separation often means you have to parent one-on-one for the first time and need the plan to keep the contact alive. This can be a major challenge! At the same time, it is a new chance to get to know your child as a person and show them they are of utmost importance to you for child support.

Ways you can get to know them better:

• Do you know their day-to-day routine? what do they do after school? Do they have sports, music, or dance lessons? Are they learning another language? What time do they eat dinner and when do they play, do homework and go to bed?
• To start the ball rolling, have some questions up your sleeve. What are their favorite songs, games, TV shows, and sports? Who are their friends? What do they want to be when they grow up? What places in Australia or the world would they like to visit and why?
• Note in your diary or a notebook, birthday, special days, or cultural/ religious days that are important to you and your children. Use this information to help you plan an extended family or follow up on important things like exams.

Kids have their own ways of doing things. Let them know you love them for who they are.

Talking on the phone is just not the same...

• Phone calls can't replace being with your children but they are a great way of staying in touch. Whatever happens, you are making contact and kids realise that you care.
• Try ringing at regular times so your children can expect and look forward to your calls.
• Find a time when they will be relaxed and not expected to be doing homework, eating dinner, rushing out to sports practice, etc.
• Regular short chats may be better with young children. Call sometimes just to say goodnight, share a joke or tell them about something funny that happened to you - even if it's just for a couple of minutes.
• Teenagers may not say very much but they do like regular contact. Long silences can be normal. Don't give up. It doesn't mean you are not important to them.

Get started - pick up the phone. If the distance is an issue, look into the purchase of a pre-paid calling card or sim so your child support can ring you.

But, I don't know what to say...

Think about what you are going to say before your pick up the phone. The more you talk to your children about child support, the more things will flow and you will discover how special they are.

• Arrange to help with schoolwork over the phone. Listen to them do their times tables, homework essays, or even music practice over the phone.
• What have they been doing since the last time you talked? Show that you are interested in what they do when they are not with you. Keeping notes in a diary or calendar can help.
• Talk to them about the ordinary things that happened to you when you were a kid or things you liked. This will help your kids to share their experiences with you.
• You don't need to have instant solutions to their problems. Just listen to what they say and show interest.
• Help children talk about the bad as well as the good things. Ask them about how they are feeling as well as what they are doing.
• Tell them you love them before you hang up.

This is your chance to get to know your kids better. Don't blow it by asking questions about their other parent or showing animosity.

I get so uptight before I see them!

It's understandable. You want things to go smoothly and you want your kids to relax and enjoy themselves to keep the contact alive.

It helps to plan ahead. Know who is collecting or dropping off the children and where this will take place. Call the other parent a few days before to be clear on the arrangements and make sure there are no surprises.

Start in good form - turn up, be on time, and be reliable.

Contact the children before the visit:

• Remind them when you will see them next and keep the contact alive.
• Let them help plan your time together.
• Remind them of any special things they may need to bring.
• Don't use your kids to pass messages to the other parent.

How can I make my place feel like our home?

It helps to think of your child support as having two homes, one with mum and one with dad.

• If you move house consider living close by - within cycling distance of school if possible.
• Give them a room of their own and let them help with decorating.
• If they can't have a room, give them a space of their own that they don't have to share with others. A cupboard, desk, bookcase, or storage box is okay.
• Display family photos and things that have special meaning for you all.
• Find toys, books, and games they like. Try your local toy library or garage sales. Let your kids help.
• Include some outside games: bats, balls, frisbees, and bikes. Go to the local park where there's room for the kids to kick a ball or play on the swings.
• Avoid hassles about the basics and keep things at your places like toothbrushes, pajamas, socks, underwear, t-shirts, shorts, and medications.
• A basic first aid kit could include children's paracetamol, band-aids, antiseptic wipes, etc.
• Make sure you've got food and snacks they will eat in the fridge.

To be continued... and we will be discussing more helpful hints for those experiencing child custody issues so please stay tuned.

FAQ

How can I get to know my child better during separation?

Separation can be an opportunity to get to know your child better. To do so, you need to know their daily routine, including after-school activities, sports, music or dance lessons, and what time they eat dinner, do homework, and go to bed. You can ask them questions about their favorite songs, games, TV shows, sports, and friends. It's also essential to know what they want to be when they grow up and where they would like to visit in the world. You can note all of these details in your diary or notebook.

How can I keep in touch with my children during separation?

Talking on the phone is a great way to stay in touch with your children. You can try ringing them at regular times when they are relaxed and not doing homework or attending sports practice. For young children, regular short chats may be better, and you can call them just to say goodnight or share a joke. Even if teenagers don't say much, they like regular contact, and you shouldn't give up if there are long silences. If the distance is an issue, you can look into purchasing a prepaid calling card or sim so your children can ring you.

What can I do if I don't know what to say when talking to my children during separation?

Before picking up the phone, you can think about what you are going to say to your children. You can arrange to help them with schoolwork over the phone, listen to them do their homework essays or music practice, and ask them what they have been doing since the last time you talked. You can talk to them about ordinary things that happened to you when you were a kid, and you don't need to have instant solutions to their problems; you just need to listen to what they say and show interest. It would help if you also helped your children talk about the bad as well as the good things and ask them about how they are feeling as well as what they are doing. Finally, always remember to tell them you love them before hanging up.

How can I make my place feel like home for my child support?

You can make your child support feel at home by giving them a room of their own and letting them help with decorating. If they can't have a room, you can give them a space of their own that they don't have to share with others, like a cupboard, desk, bookcase, or storage box. Displaying family photos and things that have special meaning for you all is also important. Find toys, books, and games that they like and let them help. You can also include some outside games like bats, balls, frisbees, and bikes and go to the local park where there's room for them to play. Finally, try to avoid hassles about basics like toothbrushes, pajamas, socks, underwear, t-shirts, shorts, and medications.

How can I keep calm and make things go smoothly when seeing my child support?

It is understandable to feel uptight before seeing your child support, but it helps to plan ahead. You should know who is collecting or dropping off the children and where this will take place. Call the other parent a few days before to be clear on the arrangements and make sure there are no surprises. Be on time, reliable, and turn up in good form. You can contact your children before the visit to remind them when you will see them next, let them help plan your time together, and remind them of any special things they may need to bring. It's also important not to use your kids to pass messages to the other parent.

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